Real Talk: I Love My Marriage, But Hated My Engagement | xoJane

I'm unnerved by our materialistic wedding culture, blah blah blah, but I still love my rings. Yay for cognitive dissonance.

?Engagement season? has just ended. If you're in your late twenties like me, your Facebook feed is likely now festooned with ring pics and red heart icons. Celebrities have joined the party, too, getting engaged (and in some cases married) this holiday season: Kelly Clarkson! Hugh Hefner! Kat von D and Jesse James, only this time to other people!?

Mazel tov, suckers. God, am I glad I'm not you.?

I was recently engaged for 14 months. During that time, I learned a secret they never tell you on StyleMePretty: engagements fucking suck. They?re also joyful and fun, but there?s a lot more suck involved than you?d expect.?

Frankly, now that I?m married, I?d rather zest my nipples with the citrus zester I got off my bridal registry than go through it all again. If you're just embarking on the experience now, you have my sympathies.

If you're with the right person, planning a wedding is a profound and wonderful thing to do. But then again, so is appearing on A&E?s ?Hoarders,? if you?re a hoarder. You might feel a rush when you first commit -- your life is about to CHANGE! For the BETTER! -- and you might be thrilled with the end result. But in between, you're in for a whoooole lotta screaming, clinging to your pile of desiccated rat corpses as Dr. Zasio half-heartedly pats you on the back.

Engagement is a time of monumental transition. You?re redefining your relationship not just with your fianc?, but also with your family, your friends, yourself, your personal space, your dreams and ambitions -- everything. Whoever can face such profound change without at least a twinge of anxiety and grief, please tell me what drug you?re on, because I want some.?

In my case, engagement involved a lot of happy moments, but also:?

1. Trolling message boards such as the now-defunct ThereGoesTheBride.com, consuming broken-engagement stories like pornography.?
2. Getting into a screaming, sobbing fight with my mother -- about cake filling! -- at a Father?s Day brunch, while my father looked on in horror.?
3. Getting into another screaming, sobbing fight with my best friend from college as we drove through downtown Washington -- a fight so engrossing that I drove straight into a parked car.?
4. In general, a lot of screaming and sobbing, although remarkably not with my fianc?.
5. Miserable compromises.?
6. Carbohydrates.?

On the whole, I spent 20% of my engagement feeling elated, 20% feeling prostrate with anxiety and grief, and 60% feeling normal. This unnerved me, because it seemed like about the same ratio Pam from ?The Office? felt when she was engaged to the guy who wasn?t Jim. When you?re marrying the right person, you?re happy all the time -- right? Because the One makes you happy! Panic is your gut telling you to get out! Right??

Not necessarily. After months of misery, with the help of Allison Moir-Smith?s excellent book Emotionally Engaged, I realized that my anxiety was not the result of a bad relationship. Mostly, it was there because I have been neurotic and change-averse my entire life, and -- surprise! -- nothing about my brain chemistry changed after my boyfriend proposed to me.?

However, my anxiety also materialized because I was blindsided by the real work of engagement. After I coped with the shock, I did that work -- much of it in a therapist?s office, yay -- and as a result of that and two kickass wedding planners, my wedding day was every happy cliche come true. My marriage has also been fabulous so far. ?

Nevertheless, my engagement can go fuck itself.?

These days, when I talk to a newly engaged woman, I like to ask her if there?s something she?s already sick of hearing from well-wishers. Even the most easygoing bride usually has something -- some question or comment that irritates her because she feels she can?t reply to it honestly, or else she?ll fail to live up to her culturally-cast role as the happy bride-to-be.?

Mine was this: ?Are you excited? Are you so excited??? I heard it at least once a day. Often, my true answer was ?meh? or an emphatic ?no,? but I?d lie and say ?yes? to fulfill the expectations of the questioner. Then I?d feel like a gigantic fraud.?

Kendra, a newly married woman who works on my floor, hated, ?Can I see the ring??, as the asker?s face would usually shift in surprise or disappointment when they saw her unusual stone.

She also mentioned how annoying it was to hear, ?What are your colors?? all the time, as did two other women I talked to. When someone asks that question, what is the asker hoping to hear in reply? Do they really care? Who has ?colors? anymore, anyway, is what I want to know -- but will I offend someone by saying that?

The word ?bridezilla? drives most newly engaged women up the wall, as does any expressed disdain for the amount of emotion they might or might not have invested in things such as the cake, the invitations, and the flowers. These things can represent much more than meets the eye. They are the talismans of engagement, which, as I've said, is not so much a fun party-planning time as a painful metamorphosis ritual. Respect them accordingly.

M., a book club friend, is getting married on April 20 in Colorado. (Her description of the ?Rocky Mountain High? jokes she?s been receiving featured seven sarcastic exclamation points.)

In addition to the usual about colors and aesthetics, one of M.?s pet peeves is when people ask her, in reference to her fiance?s proposal, ?Were you surprised?? ?

?That?s sort of a bitch to answer either way,? she wrote to me. ?The truth is that I have a crazy brain that knows how to feel multiple things at the same time. And all of them are true. (Sort of like everyone?s brains, yeah? Yes? Are we all on the same page here?). So, yeah. I was shocked. I screamed. I cried. I yawped my YES! and then made out with him on some rocks while gasping for breath -- again -- out of shock. Also, no, I was not surprised.?

M. is referring to something that every married woman I know experienced during engagement: cognitive dissonance. The instant you get engaged, you start experiencing yourself as an individual and a wife, a present and a future self, a person who is happy and sad and surprised and angry and excited. You?re in a cuckoo purgatory -- mentally, emotionally, physically, culturally. The experience is so disorienting, it literally gave me the spins a couple of times. But nothing I read or saw on TV told me this was normal, save Moir-Smith?s book. If I wasn?t happy, I thought, that must mean I was ?a bridezilla. Or a cautionary tale-to-be.

God. Yuck. I think I?m getting a rash just thinking back on it now. NEVER AGAIN.

Source: http://www.xojane.com/relationships/real-talk-i-love-my-marriage-but-hated-my-engagement

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FileLocker

The trend towards moving all your digital content to the cloud has gotten the most exposure wth consumer services like Apple iCloud, Google Drive, and Microsoft SkyDrive. These services can store things like photos and documents, automatically syncing them among all your devices and computers. But cloud syncing really becomes powerful when used in a business setting. This is where FileLocker, a new product from InfraScale (the company behind SOS Online Backup) hopes to shine. FileLocker claims better security than existing players as its main differentiator, and that's of huge importance for businesses. The service also boasts robust user-administration capabilities and a "private cloud" capability that lets businesses host the service on their own servers.

A particularly powerful capability of syncing services for business users are their collaboration features that let coworkers share and co-edit work documents. FileLocker is the newest entry in this game, but other services target businesses specifically, too, including Box, Egnyte, SafeSync for Business, and Syncplicity Business Edition. Let's explore this new service and see how it stacks up.

Setup and Sign up
FileLocker offers free personal accounts with up to 5GB of storage each for up to five users, for a total of 25GB. For more than five users, it's $5 per user per month support for six to ten users costs $500 a year?significantly less than Box's $1,080 a year for six users ($15 per user per month). Unlike Box, thankfully no credit card info is needed to get your free account. Even though this level is called "personal," the signup form still includes a line for "company." You also need to fill in your name, email, secret questions, and password.

Given the FileLocker's emphasis on security, I was surprised that strong passwords were not required at this point, but it does have to be 6 characters in length and contain an uppercase or non-alpha character. By comparison, Dropbox's signup is very clear about password strength, with even 8-character ones indicating levels like "very weak," "so-so," and "good," and Box offers similar ratings. With its emphasis on security, I'd expect FileLocker to have this kind of password evaluation, but it didn't. After this, you just sign in on FileLocker's website. ?(For some great tips on passwords, read Password Protection: How to Create Strong Passwords.)

To get FileLocker to synchronize files on your desktop PC (a Mac version should be coming this month), you need to install a local agent program. Oddly, this seemingly integral part of the system is found under "Extras" on the dashboard page.

Interface
Most interactions with FileLocker occur in a Web browser, and the service's Web interface is mostly clear and nicely designed.? The first time you look at your account page, a popup tells you to "upload a file," and a large Upload button and drag-and-drop target always graces the top of the page. IE told me with every page view, "Only secure content is displayed," with an option to "show all content." Again, I was surprised such a security-minded site would prompt this message. The Web interface does allow drag-and-drop file syncing, but it's not supported in IE9.

FileLocker adds its context menu to all files and folders listed in your Windows Explorer windows, but the options were less than crystal clear: What I wanted was a simple "Sync this file or folder now" choice (like that in the new Cubby product from LogMeIn), but instead I got Sync, Sync and Share, About Sync, Sync Options, and Show Sync Status. The first sounded easy enough, but it required me to choose a remote syncing folder, which could well contain other files that had nothing to do with the present folder's contents. For the average user, I think it's actually preferable to have synced folders and files all in one place, as SkyDrive, and Google Drive do, though some will prefer the flexibility of sync anything anywhere on your system.

When I added the "and Share" option, the same process was followed by another dialog for Share Settings, which had a check box for "Enable Download Receipts." Deploy that option, and FileLocker will send you an email each time someone downloads the shared file or folder. But I wasn't asked with whom I wanted to share; only later, a tooltip say Share Link available, and then disappeared. Ideally, I'd be given a box to type in emails of collaborators. Shared folders helpfully get a new folder icon, with FileLocker's arced arrow logo.

FileLocker's Search Files option, available from the left panel, worked well for finding files, but why not have the search bar always available at the top, as it is in every webmail interface? Once I'd found a file (or this would be the case for any file listing in the Web interface), I could right-click or just click a dropdown arrow to get Preview, Download, Upload New Version choices. I could also view history, send the file, generate a link to the file, unshare it, move it to another folder, delete it.

Version control is a strength of FileLocker, as it is for InfraScale's flagship service, SOS Online Backup. Both services keep all versions of your files forever, unless you explicitly delete them. I also liked how the versions box on the Web interface lets you make any existing version current; this way, if a collaborator made an edit that was overruled, it would be easy enough to roll back the change.

Source: http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/ziffdavis/pcmag/~3/sXyp2-x_DpU/0,2817,2413761,00.asp

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Moody's says more budget measures needed to save U.S. rating

NEW YORK (Reuters) - The United States must do more than the recently passed "fiscal cliff" measures if the country is to rescue its sovereign rating from its current negative outlook, rating agency Moody's Investors Service said on Wednesday.

The budget deal, meant to avert potentially devastating tax hikes and spending cuts, clarifies the medium-term deficit and debt trajectory of the federal government, Moody's said in a statement.

"It does not, however, provide a basis for a meaningful improvement in the government's debt ratios over the medium term," Moody's said.

Moody's said it expects more budget measures in coming months "that would result in lower future budget deficits, which are necessary if the negative outlook on the government's bond rating is to be returned to stable. On the other hand, lack of further deficit reduction measures could affect the rating negatively."

Moody's rates the United States Aaa with a negative outlook.

(Reporting by Caryn Trokie, Luciana Lopez and Daniel Bases; Editing by Chizu Nomiyama)

Source: http://news.yahoo.com/moodys-says-more-budget-measures-needed-save-u-200747119--finance.html

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The Dark Side of New Year's Resolutions | Psychology Today

Around this time of year, everyone and their mother is blogging about how to start a New Year?s Resolution. Now these experts have lots of good advice (e.g., set concrete goals, monitor your goal daily, don?t adopt more than one goal at a time), but there is something they aren?t telling you. There is a rarely discussed dark side to setting resolutions and it is this?striving for goals makes you gullible (or should I say ?goalible?).

When people strive for a new goal?whether it?s to lose 10 pounds, stick to a budget, or cut back on their cursing?they must exert willpower or self-control to resist temptations and stay on the goal-directed path. The problem though is that self-control is a limited resource, meaning you only have so much gas in your tank. Use that gas up on your resolution, and you have less left over for the other aspects of their life. So far this may not sound so bad, but when we are low in self-control resources, we become vulnerable to all sorts of undesirable influences. Consider this: nearly every form of extreme social influence (i.e., brainwashing) first involves some ?wearing down? phase where the victim is subjected to exhausting interrogations and is prevented from resting or sleeping. This is the approach used in POW camps, but also in cults, fraternity and sorority hazings, and even police interrogations. In nearly every case where someone has confessed to a crime that they in fact didn?t commit, they were first subjected to long police interrogations designed to ?break their will? and soften them up. As one thought-reform victim described his experience, ?You are annihilated, exhausted, you can?t control yourself. . . . You accept anything he says? (Lifton, 1961, p. 23). The implication here is that anything that forces you to exert self-control or prevents you from resting to replenish your self-control makes you vulnerable to the persuasive influence of others. Fraternities for example often force their pledges to eat unsavory foods during their hazing as a ?wearing down? technique (Cialdini, 2001); the same procedure that psychologists use in the laboratory to deplete self-control resources (Baumeister et al., 1998). So when you exert self-control on your New Year?s resolution, you are making yourself vulnerable to the influence of advertisers, salespeople, and the like.

To test if self-control exertion does weaken our ability to resist persuasive messages, Dr. Edward Burkley (who just so happens to be my husband) conducted a series of studies. He first tested if people exert self-control when trying to resist persuasive arguments (Burkley, 2008). In one such study, freshman college students read an essay that argued to shorten their summer break to just one month. If you know anything about college students, you know they definitely don?t want their summer break to be cut by two-thirds, so clearly they were resistant to this persuasive message. But Burkley ratcheted up the resistance even more by telling half of the participants that the change would be occur in just two years and therefore would affect them personally. The other half read this change would occur in ten years so it would have no affect on their break. Not surprisingly, participants in the 2-year condition were more resistant to the persuasive message than those in the 10-year condition. Next, all the participants completed a task that required self-control to persist (e.g., unscrambling anagrams that were unsolvable). The results indicated that the students who were more resistant to the persuasive message (2-year condition) gave up quicker on the self-control task than those who were less resistant. They had used up their self-control resources trying to resist the persuasive message and so had less available for the second task.

Second, Burkley tested if people who are low in self-control resources are more easily persuaded. To accomplish this task, he had people exert self-control on a seemingly unrelated thought control task (i.e., write down your thoughts but don?t think of a white bear). Then he gave them a persuasive message to read. This time, the message argued that all senior students would have to pass a mandatory exam to graduate (something students are also very much against). For some of the students, the essay included only weak arguments for adopting the mandatory exam (e.g., my mom thinks it is a good idea). For others, the essay included strong arguments (e.g., the best schools in the country already have mandatory exams). Resisting the weak version of the message is easy and therefore should not require much self-control. But resisting the strong version is harder and should therefore result in self-control depletion. Finally, all the participants indicated their personal attitude toward mandatory exams. The results showed that when participants read the weak message, prior self-control exertion had little impact on their attitude. However, when participants read the strong message, they were more in favor of the exam if they had first exerted self-control on the prior task. In a sense, these students had been brainwashed to think that mandatory exams were a good thing and this was accomplished simply by having them exert willpower on an earlier task.

The results of these studies are pretty powerful. After exerting self-control for just a few minutes, people were left depleted and vulnerable to persuasive messages. Students were brainwashed to believe that shortening their summer of forcing them to complete a mandatory exam was a good idea. If five minutes of self-control exertion can have such radical effects, think about what going on a diet or trying to quit smoking could do!

So how do we protect ourselves? Do we just give up on New Year?s resolutions? Certainly not (though this may be one of the reasons we often do). Goals are a major cornerstone to living a happy and healthy life. We can?t just avoid them. But what we can do is be mindful of our self-control exertion so that we can protect ourselves against others? influences during this vulnerable state. If you are starting out this year with a resolution, you may want to avoid watching QVC, avoid the shopping malls, and avoid any friends or family who may be hitting you up for a loan. Realize you are in a very vulnerable place, especially during the first few days of your goal striving, and protect yourself accordingly. On the other hand, if someone else in your life is starting their New Year?s resolution, now may be the perfect time to ask your spouse for that back rub, your parents for that loan, or your boss for that raise!

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Recommended Readings:

Burkley, E., Anderson, D., & Curtis, J. (2011). You wore me down: Self-control and social influence. Social and Personality Psychology Compass, 5, 487-499.

Burkley, E. (2008) The role of self-control in resistance to persuasion. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 34, 419-431.

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Source: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-social-thinker/201301/the-dark-side-new-year-s-resolutions

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New Year's Eve 2012: Healthy Ways To Celebrate

New Year's Eve: Endless waterfalls of crisp champagne, party-pumping pop music and the perfect, sequined outfit. Yea, right. In reality, it's usually more like an "open" bar with hour-long waits and watered-down drinks, a stranger spilling a mystery substance down the front of your over-priced outfit -- and, ah yes, January 1's infamous hangover.

This year, why not do things a little differently? Below are eight healthy ways to ring in the New Year. We'll be making our toast to stressing less about this ordinarily high-pressure evening, and celebrating by doing the things that make us feel good, plain and simple. Let us know how you'll be ringing in the new year in the comments below!

• Dance The Night Away

  Three reasons to shake your groove thing this New Year?s Eve: 1.Dancing can burn upwards of <a href="http://www.healthstatus.com/cgi-bin/calc/calculator.cgi">350 calories per hour.</a> 2. Dancing can improve <a href="http://www.healthguidance.org/entry/10409/1/Health-Benefits-of-Dance.html">your sense of self</a> -- and make you feel super confident. 3. Dancing <a href="http://www.nejm.org/doi/full/10.1056/NEJMoa022252">may boost your memory</a> and lower your risk for dementia. And a fourth? It's just so fun.

• Drink ... Responsibly

  Many of us toast to the new year and new beginnings. But here at Healthy Living, we're giving you a nudge to keep moderation in mind. <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/01/30/drinking-benefits_n_1233544.html">You'll reap</a> the <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jay-williams-phd/post_977_b_746290.html">health benefits</a> that are tied to alcohol <em>and</em> be able to enjoy the first day of the year without the <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/12/28/alcohol-effects-body-infographic_n_2333328.html">scary effects</a> that come with overdoing it.

• Take A Midnight Yoga Class

  Downward dog as the clock strikes 12? Why not? <a href="http://stralayoga.com/news/new-years-eve-yoga/">Lots</a> of <a href="http://www.gaiaflowyoga.com/media/new-years-eve-celebration/">studios</a> offer New Year's Eve yoga classes, so you can bend your way into 2013. You?ll reap the <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/07/25/yoga-stress-inflammation_n_1702316.html">many</a> <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/kripalu/yoga-benefits_b_1975025.html">benefits</a> that <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/dr-michael-j-breus/yoga-insomnia_b_1939696.html">yoga</a> has to offer, clear your head and, who knows, maybe even secure that recommitment to yoga you've resolved to for the coming year.

• Enjoy A Celebratory Smooch

  Chances are, you were planning to plant a peck on someone special at midnight. Smooch on! Kissing can increase oxytocin levels, which helps to reduce stress, anxiety and even your blood pressure, <a href="http://www.shape.com/lifestyle/sex-and-love/5-health-reasons-make-time-cuddling">Shape reports</a>. You can sneak in a little calorie burning while you're at it: Kissing can burn anywhere from <a href="http://www.self.com/health/2010/08/five-benefits-of-kissing-slideshow#slide=5">two to six calories per minute</a>. That may seem insignificant, but hey, we'll take it.

• Run A Race

  Maybe 2012 wasn?t your year. While we never recommend running from your problems, running toward a solution -- in this case, a clean slate -- might be your best bet. Whatever your reason (and we?re in full support of running strictly for <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/2012/11/28/running-effects_n_2206584.html">endorphins' sake</a>) signing up for a <a href="http://www.race360.com/newyears/">midnight run</a> is a great, healthy way to ring in the new year. Many races end with a celebratory glass of bubbly -- so you can still hang on to old traditions while making new ones.

• Volunteer

  While we tend to think about giving back more on Thanksgiving and Christmas, New Year's Eve should be no different. Do some research on local shelters or hospitals that are in need of some extra hands. Besides making the New Year better for others, you'll be happy to know that giving back can help release those feel-good hormones like <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/terri-cole/volunteering-health_b_2189477.html">serotonin, oxytocin and dopamine</a>. You'll remember 2012 as the year you gave back and enter 2013 with some good karma to your name.

• Host A Potluck

  With paper plates. And plastic cups. Take the pressure off serving a perfect, gourmet meal and have all your friends pitch in this year. And since everyone is contributing, you won?t have to worry about <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/12/20/healthy-christmas-cookies_n_2340766.html">specific dietary needs</a>. Plus, you?ll stress less without the thought of dirty dishes looming over your head <em>and</em> you?ll have more time to enjoy quality time with your friends.

• Have A Healthy Mentality About The Night

  Whatever your plans, the most important thing may be to lay off on the pressure. We often hype up New Year?s Eve as the night of all nights, and end up disappointed. This year, why not make an early resolution to be present at your celebration, enjoy the company you keep and see the opportunity that tomorrow brings.

• Related Video: How To Kiss Someone On New Year's Eve

For more holiday stress busters, click here.

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Source: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/12/31/healthy-new-years-eve_n_2376492.html

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Reid among 7 NFL coaches sacked in firing frenzy

FILE - Philadelphia Eagles head coach Andy Reid during the first half of an NFL football game against the New York Giants Sunday, Dec. 30, 2012 in East Rutherford, N.J. Reid has been fired after 14 seasons coaching the Philadelphia Eagles. The Eagles made the announcement Monday, Dec. 31, 2012. (AP Photo/Peter Morgan, File)

FILE - Philadelphia Eagles head coach Andy Reid during the first half of an NFL football game against the New York Giants Sunday, Dec. 30, 2012 in East Rutherford, N.J. Reid has been fired after 14 seasons coaching the Philadelphia Eagles. The Eagles made the announcement Monday, Dec. 31, 2012. (AP Photo/Peter Morgan, File)

FILE -- In a Dec. 23, 2012 file photo Chicago Bears head coach Lovie Smith watches his team during the first half of an NFL football game against the Arizona Cardinals in Glendale, Ariz. The Chicago Bears have fired coach Lovie Smith after the team missed the playoffs for the fifth time in six seasons. (AP Photo/Rick Scuteri/file)

FILE - In this Dec. 23, 2012, file photo, Arizona Cardinals head coach Ken Whisenhunt appears before an NFL football game against the Chicago Bears in Glendale, Ariz. The Cardinals fired Whisenhunt Monday, Dec. 31, after six seasons that included the long-suffering franchise's only Super Bowl appearance. (AP Photo/Paul Connors, File)

FILE - In this Dec. 30, 2012, file photo, San Diego Chargers head coach Norv Turner leaves the field at the end of the first half of an NFL football game against the Oakland Raiders in San Diego. The Chargers fired Turner and general manager A.J. Smith on Monday, Dec. 31, after missing the playoffs for the third straight season. (AP Photo/Denis Poroy, File)

Pittsburgh Steelers head coach Mike Tomlin, left, shakes hands with Cleveland Browns head coach Pat Shurmur after the Steelers' 24-10 win in an NFL football game in Pittsburgh, Sunday, Dec. 30, 2012. (AP Photo/Gene J. Puskar)

Andy Reid is the winningest coach in the history of the Philadelphia Eagles. Lovie Smith led the Chicago Bears to the 2007 Super Bowl.

Now they're looking for work.

Seven coaches and five general managers were fired Monday in a flurry of pink slips that were delivered the day after the regular-season ended.

Ken Whisenhunt is out after helping Arizona reach the Super Bowl following the 2008 season. Also gone: Norv Turner in San Diego, Pat Shurmur in Cleveland, Romeo Crennel in Kansas City and Chan Gailey in Buffalo.

Three teams made it a clean sweep, saying goodbye to the GM along with the coach ? San Diego, Cleveland, Arizona. General managers also were fired in Jacksonville and New York, where Rex Ryan held onto his coaching job with the Jets despite a losing record.

Reid was the longest tenured of the coaches, removed after 14 seasons and a Super Bowl appearance in 2005 ? a loss to New England. Smith spent nine seasons with the Bears.

Turner has now been fired as head coach by three teams. San Diego won the AFC West from 2006-09, but didn't make the postseason the last three years under Turner and GM A.J. Smith.

"Both Norv and A.J. are consummate NFL professionals, and they understand that in this league, the bottom line is winning," Chargers President Dean Spanos said in a statement.

Whisenhunt was fired after six seasons. He had more wins than any other coach in Cardinals history, going 45-51, and has one year worth about $5.5 million left on his contract. GM Rod Graves had been with Arizona for 16 years, nine in his current position. A 5-11 record after a 4-0 start cost him and Whisenhunt their jobs.

Gailey was dumped after three seasons with the Bills; Shurmur after two; and Crennel had one full season with the Chiefs.

Reid took over a 3-13 Eagles team in 1999, drafted Donovan McNabb with the No. 2 overall pick and quickly turned the franchise into a title contender.

But the team hasn't won a playoff game since 2008 and after last season's 8-8 finish, owner Jeffrey Lurie said he was looking for improvement this year. Instead, it was even worse. The Eagles finished 4-12.

"When you have a season like that, it's embarrassing. It's personally crushing to me and it's terrible," Lurie said at a news conference. He said he respects Reid and plans to stay friends with him, "but, it is time for the Eagles to move in a new direction."

Shurmur went 9-23 in his two seasons with the Browns, who will embark on yet another offseason of change ? the only constant in more than a decade of futility. Cleveland has lost at least 11 games in each of the past five seasons and made the playoffs just once since returning to the NFL as an expansion team in 1999.

"Ultimately our objective is to put together an organization that will be the best at everything we do," Browns CEO Joe Banner said. "On the field, our only goal is trying to win championships."

Crennel took over with three games left in the 2011 season after GM Scott Pioli fired Todd Haley. Kansas City will have the No. 1 pick in the NFL draft as a result of having one of the worst seasons in its 53-year history. The only other time the Chiefs finished 2-14 was 2008, the year before Pioli was hired.

"I am embarrassed by the poor product we gave our fans this season, and I believe we have no choice but to move the franchise in a different direction," Chiefs chairman Clark Hunt said in a statement.

Gailey, the former Dallas Cowboys coach, compiled a 16-32 record in his three seasons in Buffalo, never doing better than 6-10.

"This will probably be, and I say probably, but I think it will be the first place that's ever fired me that I'll pull for," Gailey said.

Smith and the Bears went 10-6 this season and just missed a playoff spot. But Chicago started 7-1 and has struggled to put together a productive offense throughout Smith's tenure. His record was 81-63 with the Bears, and he took them to one Super Bowl loss and to one NFC championship game defeat.

Receiver and kick return standout Devin Hester was bitter about Smith's firing.

"The media, the false fans, you all got what you all wanted," Hester said as he cleared out his locker. "The majority of you all wanted him out. As players we wanted him in. I guess the fans ? the false fans ? outruled us. I thought he was a great coach, probably one of the best coaches I've ever been around."

The fired GMs included Mike Tannenbaum of the Jets; Gene Smith of the Jaguars; Tom Heckert of the Browns; Smith of the Chargers and Graves of Arizona.

"You hope that those guys that obviously were victims of black Monday land on their feet," Rams coach Jeff Fisher said. "You've got guys that have been to Super Bowls and won championship games and all of a sudden they've forgot how to coach, I guess."

___

Online: http://pro32.ap.org/poll and http://twitter.com/AP_NFL

Associated Press

Source: http://hosted2.ap.org/APDEFAULT/347875155d53465d95cec892aeb06419/Article_2013-01-01-NFL%20Firings/id-c157b2c63e304ce0996d0a22a3f34b36

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Legal Consequences Of A Prank ? CBS Philly

By Amy E. Feldman

PHILADELPHIA (CBS) - When can you be held liable when a prank you play leads to tragic consequences?

Two Australian disc jockeys called the hospital where Kate Middleton was recovering and, pretending to be the Queen, asked about Kate?s condition. A nurse at the hospital fell for it, and released information. Kate recovered; Prince Charles joked about it. But the nurse committed suicide in the wake of the prank. If this had been done in the US, could the djs have faced criminal charges?

A Rutgers student committed suicide after he found he?d been videotaped by his roommate during a romantic encounter with another male ? and his roommate went to jail for it. But that case was different. There, the roommate was not charged with contributing to the suicide but with bias intimidation as a hate crime. In the DJ?s case theres no indication at all that the person who picked up the phone was a target of the prank at all or that the djs meant any harm. They didn?t have to be mean-spirited to be held liable, but in this case, there was really no way that the djs should have known that their actions would be likely to lead to tragic consequences.

That said, perhaps a better question than ?could I be held liable for this prank I?m pulling? in life if not in law should be: ?how would I feel if I were on the receiving end of this, instead of the giving end??

Source: http://philadelphia.cbslocal.com/2013/01/01/legal-consequences-of-a-prank/

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